A FAMILY OF ONE!

 

OUR SON KAI WITH ELLEN

 

At times I’ve written about a very special person in my life, my Aunt Ellen.  I miss the wonderful talks we used to share, her delightful laugh and sense of humor, her love of learning, and above all, her dedication to her family.  Because of the early loss of her husband and infant son, she had to suddenly make a life of her own.  She used to say to me, “If I ever met anyone as wonderful as your father, I might have married again.”  Instead she gave so many sisters and brothers, nieces and nephews, and friends and students all the love she had to give.  She did it in so many ways.  I doubt that there was ever a birthday or graduation or wedding that was forgotten.  I still have some of the cards she sent to me and my children, scrapbooks she kept through the years, school books with photos of childhood friends and teachers, and the BRIDE’S OWN BOOK from the 1920’s.  Rarely did she talk of her own losses, but now many years later, as I sort through the wonderful reminisces she left behind, I understand her even more.  Her life changed dramatically within a short period of time, but she picked up the pieces, put her faith in God, and stayed positive in every way she could.  Few of us knew the loneliness she felt at times and the ways she learned to cope.  We used to visit her often, especially during the summer and at Christmas.  Sometimes we would walk into her house and she would be sitting at a table playing Scrabble by herself.  She loved to cook a special full-course meal for us and then read to the kids.  Those were magical times with a woman I considered my second mother.  I think she sometimes wondered if people forgot that she had been a mother to a little baby named Arthur.  Mother’s Day was perhaps the hardest day for her.

Years ago Ellen wrote her own story, A FAMILY OF ONE.  I share it in remembrance of her and also to honor and appreciate those individuals who make the best of their lives, despite adversity and loneliness.  Being alone at holiday time is especially difficult. I’ll be thinking often of many of them and sending loving thoughts.

            HERE ARE ELLEN’S THOUGHTS IN A FAMILY OF ONE:

            “A Family of One” sounds sad and lonely.  It can be so.  I have learned to plan and set out deliberately to make it otherwise.

            A lone life can be reasonably contented.  But to make it that, one must work for it eternally.

            Bible and devotional reading has been a daily part of my life since confirmation days.

            When a person has been born of understanding Christian parents and has also been a member of a large, closely-knit family, becoming a “loner” can be a frustrating experience.  It has been a natural way of life to talk things over together before making a decision.  Not so when alone-- too often through trial and error you learn others are not interested in your problems and heartaches.  Eventually you learn to take all to God.  He is truly a marvelous companion and confidant.  He is always wherever you are.  He listens and makes the sun shine through your storm of tears, or overcomes some “let-down” you have had.  Believe it or not, even after years of being alone, such times do come.

            Remodeling projects in your home, if you cut corners financially so that you can manage it, are wonderful helpers in lifting spirits.  And they are fun, even if alone.  Needless to say, not as much as with a companion, but still a bit of a thrill.

            Feeding the birds, watching them and listening to their songs and calls early in the morning are a real joy too.  Many of such pleasures are of long standing, developed by a high school teacher.  How hard she worked us, giving us books to read, reams of poetry to memorize which frequently kept me busy until the wee hours of the morning.  For that I have no regrets, for many of my pleasures in this life alone are ones that she instilled—love of fine music, reading of good books, joy in recalling poems learned or locating new ones, walking under the stars at night and locating the constellations and feeling the nearness of an all-powerful and loving God.  Trips also, recall places she told of and planted the seed of wandering in other spots away from home.  Since her death, I frequently rejoice that I did not neglect to write at times and express my appreciation. 

            Letter writing, too, can be the next best thing to a good visit with a friend, relative or family.  I correspond with many and receive dear letters in return, like “bread upon the waters.”

            It’s rewarding too, to feel inner joy and peace from contacts with others in Memorial Home, at meetings, or in various volunteer activities if you give something of yourself to them in a truly sincere way.  Appreciation can be felt as well as given.

            Having good health and being appreciative of it, through honest effort to keep it, by making good meals for yourself, getting your rest, taking wise exercise, praising God night and morning for another day to go forth in His way of life with the blessings He has so graciously bestowed. . .All enlightens your heart.

            So the “oneness” thrust upon you through no choice of your own can eventually render satisfactions, acquired joys and reasonable contentment.  You alone must earn this, through conscious and deliberate effort.  With God as captain of your soul, all things are possible.  God is good!

            A fan of Ann Landers expresses a philosophy which is like my own:

            Take time to think—thoughts are a source of power.

            Take time to play—play is the secret of perpetual youth.

            Take time to read—reading is the foundation of wisdom.

            Take time to pray—prayer can be a rock of strength in time of trouble.

            Take time to love—loving is what makes life worth living.

            Take time to be friendly—friendship gives life a delicious flavor.

            Take time to laugh—laughter is the music of the soul.

            Take time to give—any day of the year is too short for selfishness.

            Take time to do your work well—pride in your work, no matter what it is, nourishes the ego and the spirit.

            Take time to show appreciation—thanks is the frosting on the cake of life."