KANDYCE

I remember my childhood friend Kandyce.  She was my second grade pal who lived on the same block on Butternut Street in my hometown of 1,013 in central Wisconsin.  She was gentle and kind and athletic and full of mischief like me.  We were fascinated by grass fires and tiny little creatures roaming around nearby.  We didn’t especially like our fellow second grader Eloise and let her know it with our fists.  I wish I could remember why.  Nowadays it would have gotten us suspended, but 55 years ago it got us spending an hour after school with our teacher Mrs. Cousins, who liked us both, but was disappointed in our actions and had to provide consequences.  Thereafter we were model classmates, or at least I’d like to think so. 

Before the start of fourth grade Kandyce moved two hours away to another little Wisconsin town. I was devastated!  I didn’t understand how her parents could do that to us.  After that it was hard to walk down to the end of the block and see her little green house.  It was empty and my heart was broken.  I wrote to Kandyce, but was never able to visit her.  Then one day when I was almost 12 my former teacher Bessie Allen called my mother to tell her that Kandyce was very ill.  She wondered if I would like to drive along down to her home to see her.  My parents thought about it and let me go.  I wasn’t so sure I wanted to go.  It was frightening to think that my best friend was seriously ill and I didn’t really understand it.  I had never heard the word “leukemia” before.  I was shocked when I saw Kandyce; she was weak and ashen faced.  She could barely lift her head.  It was painful to see my friend like that and I doubted that I’d ever see her again.  I was right, as a few weeks later I learned that she had died.  I cried for days.  I went to the funeral and felt sure it was a dream, but it wasn’t.  My best friend in the world was gone.  I don’t remember much about the days and weeks that followed, but I do know that it caused me to grow up a lot faster.  I wasn’t quite the same person; I was a lot more serious and so many things seemed different, even my school friends.  Eventually I accepted the loss of my friend, but I’ve never forgotten her.  She will live in my heart forever.  I’ve been to her graveside many times and I always tell her what a wonderful friend she was and how much I still miss her. The countryside is very quiet and peaceful and it seems right that she’s buried there. 

Lately I’ve had Kandyce’s photo near my bed and I’ve thought of her often again.  I wonder what her life might have been like if she hadn’t developed that horrible disease, but she did, and now it’s been more than 50 years since she left us.  She was an extraordinarily brave and wonderful young woman and I will always remember the good times we had.